Sunday, October 24, 2010

Reality Check

Ten Things You May or May Not Know about Me:

1. I love deeply, forgive easily, loyal even when that loyalty is not deserved. I wear my heart on my sleeve and may offer you affection and words of love before you are comfortable with it but that is only because I believe love is a choice we make every day, with every person we meet. And I choose to love and really struggle with letting go.

2. I have a dark side that very few have seen. I'll leave it at that.

3. Aside from that, I am very open about my life and who I am. This has been a learned concept for me. I used to be very self protective but that makes for very superficial relationships. But hiding who I am only results in fear of being found out, so I choose to let you see my failures as well as my successes. In fact, I'm probably more comfortable sharing my failures.

4. My life is ruled by my heart, intuition and perception. This can be a bad thing because feelings can change from day to day. But I have a gift for discernment. I will know when something isn't as it seems. I may not always choose to listen to that still small voice inside, but I know.

5. I can forgive anyone for (nearly) anything. I've learned that forgiving doesn't necessarily mean forgetting. I can release any hurt that is caused and choose not to hold a grudge but that doesn't negate the consequences and sometime that means I don't have to put myself in a position to be hurt again.

6. I am the Queen of Procrastination. I put off things until they absolutely must be dealt with claiming that "I work best under pressure," which is of course, a lie. I've lost opportunities because of it. I pay my bills late sometimes. My house isn't always tidy. I lack self-discipline always thinking tomorrow will be a better day.

7. I have an anxiety disorder. I've lived a life based on fear most of my life - fear of judgement, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment. I've worked hard to learn how to deal with it and now strive to live my life out of love. Medication helps. Stress relievers like exercise, eating healthy, doing art help, too.

8. I'm an introvert. Meaning that when I need my batteries recharged, I need solitude and will often withdraw from family and friends in order to reconnect with that part of myself that gives me strength. Sometimes that means long walks in the woods. Sometimes that means locking myself in "my room" with music and paint. Sometimes that means going away for a day or a night by myself. I need the freedom to do that.

9. I'm a social advocate. My heart is broken for the plight of the poor and oppressed. I give money to the homeless man standing on the street corner (not my business what he does with it). I do not judge people for their life (or lifestyle) choices. We all come to the place we are in life through differing circumstances and who knows what choices I would have made if I were in your shoes. My dream would be in the city or in a third world country and live among the ones I've been drawn to reach out to, to better understand, to be a friend, to stand alongside and work together to overcome. I LOVE stories about those who have overcome!

10. I am a Christian. Okay, you probably already know that. But my walk with God is based on grace and relationship and not on my ability to follow rules and religion. This means that my life may not always look like your preconceived idea of a Christian. I fall, I fail. I'm far from perfection and will not pretend otherwise. I won't push my beliefs on you but if you ask, I will freely share about my faith because it is the most powerful thing in my life.

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