One Thousand Gifts

What does it mean to be poor?

Isn't this what you saw in your mind's eye, or something like it?

Or maybe this?

Or even this?

When we think of the poor, we think of those who are without: without homes, without clothing, without food, without money. Without all the material things that most of us have an abundance of and take for granted.

If you ever have the opportunity, spend some time among them: in Mexico, on the Navajo reservation, in Haiti, in Kansas City or whatever city you live in. You don't have to go far. Reach out. Share a meal. Talk to them. Take the risk. Get to know them. You may go in thinking you have something to give to them.

But the truth is, they have something extraordinary to give to you.

They will show you that being "poor" means relying on God for every need, every day. It means to be watchful for God's provision, knowing that everything that comes into your life, every need met, has been delivered from His hands. It means giving thanks for every. small. gift.

~~~~~

I believe, WE are the poor. Our lives are so busy with work and family, little league and dance class, committee meetings and ministry. We are always in a hurry to get from here to there. We miss so much. We miss every small gift that comes from God's hand. Yet we are not satisfied. We are not content. We think there is never enough. Not enough space, not enough money, not enough stuff, not enough time. WE are the poor.

So here is my dare to you:

Begin a list of the things you love, a list of the things you have to be thankful for. Open your eyes and heart to the little gifts from God that are hidden among the deadlines and the dishes. When you see them, write them down. Nothing is too large or frivolous. Nothing is to small and insignificant. Because it all comes from Our Father who loves us and knows how to give good gifts. Begin thanking Him in all things, naming them one by one, until you get to One Thousand Gifts.

It will change you. And when it does, I'd love to hear back from you about your journey into thanksgiving.

Prayer for Healing

Thy name is my healing, O my God,
and remembrance of Thee is my remedy.

Nearness to Thee is my hope, and love for Thee is my companion.

Thy mercy to me is my healing and my succor
in both this world and the world to come.

Thou, verily, art the All-Bountiful,
the All-Knowing,
the All-Wise.

a baha'i prayer

You Learn

After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn...
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth...

And you learn and learn...

With every good-bye you learn.

Jorge Luis Borges

Love the Questions

I was sitting in my therapist’s office trying to remember this Rilke quote and all I could remember was “love the questions.” I’ll look up the full quote as soon as my internet is back up and running and include it in this post but for now, I really want to focus on loving the questions.

I’ve been someone’s wife or mother since I was 17 years old. Now I am no longer wearing a wedding ring and my youngest flew the nest 3 years ago. For the first time in my life, I am living alone and I’m trying to figure out what this should look like for me, my life without being defined by roles and expectations of others. Sometimes, I can catch a glimpse of the opportunities for growth this will mean for me. But more often, at least right now, I find myself stuck in the muck of emotions. There is too much quiet and time to dwell on the fear and loneliness. I was reminded today this is grief -- the sadness, the bargaining and the anger. The loneliness can be overwhelming and you feel like it will never be any different. But these feelings will eventually give way to acceptance and hope.

I’m so impatient with myself, wanting to figure it all out, map my course, to know where my life is heading. I SHOULD know the answers, shouldn’t I? But how would I know? I’ve never done this before. I need time to sit the doubt, to embrace the loneliness, to find peace in the acceptance.

I likened it to sitting through winter. Many see winter as a time of death, barrenness, darkness, and cold. But that is only a temporary state and doesn’t really speak to the truth of what is happening in nature at all. The truth is, much of what we think of as life goes dormant in the winter. It’s a season of rest and quiet; a time of gathering nourishment and regeneration. It’s a period of preparation for the Spring that will inevitably come.

So I am in a season of winter in my life. I don’t have the answers and that’s okay. I don’t really know when the spring will come bursting with new life and the wonder that goes along with that, but I know the spring WILL come.

So for now, I will learn to do as Rilke advises in his Letter to a Young Poet:

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.

Peace~

Hope Deferred

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

Painting to come...

Just Breathe

Living with chronic anxiety, some days I literally have to remind myself to breathe. I've caught myself holding my breath and being tense a lot over the past few weeks between the personal struggles I'm having and the holidays. I'm so happy this year is ending. A year ending means a new one beginning. It's not that each day doesn't represent a new beginning in and of itself, but there can be something significant in marking the end of a year, especially one that has been a struggle. I'm not one for making New Year's resolutions, but I do find myself being more contemplative and reflective this time of year and have been known to set a few goals.

Breathe.

So this week, I have today to work, tomorrow 6 hours and then I'm off work the rest of the week. I'm going to spend a large bit of that time off rearranging a few things here at home, more importantly moving my work desk to a basement office and full dedicating the room I'm presently in to my art endeavors. If I make any goals for myself this new year, it's going to be the goal of digging down and paving a way to getting all those creative ideas and urges out on paper, on canvas, in other artsy things I've had on the back burner for so long. This next year in my life will be dedicated to (finally) establishing myself as an artist and getting my feet wet in the art community here in the KC area.

Breathe.

Another common practice I've noticed in the online creative community is choosing a word, Just One Word, that will be your focus word for the coming year. I've actually done this but my word ~peace~ kind of stuck with me for about 3 years. I think it's time for a new word and I have a few swimming among my thoughts. Perhaps before week is out, one will surface that I can be intentional about .

Breathe.

What do you think?

Beautiful Mess

I found this song recently and keep listening and reading through the lyrics. It so resonates with where I am in life at this time, in this place.
I need to preserve it here so I can be reminded of the beautiful mess that's inside.

It's inside all of us, you know. The beautiful mess of creativity, the desire to create whether with words or paints or music. Or maybe it's just the creating or recreating of your life. It's there inside you, a beautiful mess.

We need to make ourselves dig down deep, deeper than ever before and give it birth,
so we can share that beauty with the world.

Listen, read, let the words sink in.

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something to happen to her
everyday she writes words and more words
just to spit out the thoughts that keep floating inside
and she's strong when the dreams come cos' they
take her, cover her, they are all over
the reality looks far now, but don't go

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
oh oh oh oh

Far far, there's this little girl
she was praying for something good to happen to her
from time to time there are colors and shapes
dazzling her eyes, tickling her hands
they invent her a new world with
oil skies and aquarelle rivers
but don't you run away already
please don't go oh oh

How can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
there's a beautiful mess inside

Take a deep breath and dive
there's a beautiful mess inside
how can you stay outside?
There's a beautiful mess
beautiful mess inside
Oh beautiful, beautiful

Far far there's this little girl
she was praying for something big to happen to her
every night she hears beautiful strange music
it's everywhere there's nowhere to hide
but if it fades she begs"oh lord don't take it from me, don't take it"

She says, "I guess I'll have to give it birth
to give it birth
I guess, I guess I have to give it birth
I guess I have to, have to give it birth
there's a beautiful mess inside and it's everywhere

Just look at yourself now deep inside
deeper than you ever dared
deeper than you ever dared
there's a beautiful mess inside
beautiful mess inside